i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Randomize
