Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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