can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
