You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
