ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
