Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
