I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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