Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
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