On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
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