My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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