im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
