ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Randomize
