Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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