mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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