IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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