IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
The air was thick with penises
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
