Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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