What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
You have to summon your inner elephant
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Randomize
