I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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