i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
