we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
