You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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