We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize
