That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
