the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
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I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
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Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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