Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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