I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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