I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
