If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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