I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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