i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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