broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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