talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
