Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I got inside last night via doggy door
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
