I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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