Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
