in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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