meet me or not, i'm out of control
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
