Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
