Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
