he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Randomize
