her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
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