I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
