I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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