Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
