Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
