And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Randomize
