i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
