There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
