I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Randomize
