but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
