We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
