youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Randomize
