Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
