dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
