I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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