Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
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