okay pat passed out under dana's car
I think I died a long time ago.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Randomize
