Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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