Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
