it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
