Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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