Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
