Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
