if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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