I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
and she was petting her beer can
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
