Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
