how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
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