So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
