It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I think i peed on brittanys purse
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Randomize
