6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
