He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Randomize
