SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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