I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
