you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
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