the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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