I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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