Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
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