Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
That accounts for only three of the penises
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
