she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Randomize
