I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
