can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
She needs sedatives and a leash
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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