He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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