I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize